(Friends, if you haven't read the Preamble to the "Christ Across America" project, it will only take you a few moments. Click on the link here, then navigate back to this posting. Further, check out the other posts from around the country by clicking on the "Christ Across America' link on left.)
Raised in southern California and northern Alabama, K. Naoma Staley traveled much of the western US and lived on the East coast for a year before she settled in New Mexico in 2009. When attending university, Naoma spent a vacation working in NM. She fell in love with "the Land of Enchantment" and dreamt of returning. Currently, she works full-time as a coordinator of the Safe Routes to School program, is active in her congregation (La Iglesia del Pueblo), and is pursuing a master's degree in sociology at NMSU.
Who is Jesus to me? Trying to pen my thoughts and feelings in response to this question has taken up countless pieces of paper and several hours. The ambiguity in my explanation is precisely my answer. Jesus is someone and something I just don't understand. But I DO understand His impact on my life.
I grew up in a fantastic family of faith and in church since I can remember. I can't think of a time when I didn't love and believe in God. As a natural (Christian) extension of that, I accepted the Jesus presented to me and loved His as much as I could understand Him. And, boy, was that a fiercely devoted love for me!
My years in college facilitated the most fantastic spiritual, emotional, and miserable breakdown of my faith that I could ever have conceived. It wasn't the kind of breakdown many in churches encourage their students or children to fear (the "You will be exposed to “the world” and it will tear you apart, attack you, and try to destroy what you believe—so don't let them in!”). It was the beautiful kind of break-down where God tore down walls of preconceived notions and judgment. It was the kind where the Almighty opened doors as He taught me to see opportunities, friendships and love where I never had before. And I will never be the same. Praise God!
One result of this change was the introduction of a monumental pile of questions in my heart. Some were new questions. What ABOUT those missionaries who destroyed peoples, civilizations, ecosystems and lives all in the twisted name of God? Or: as I stood in the El Mina slave castle on the Gold Coast in Ghana, Africa, looking at a little church in the center court of the castle, I learned that priests would flood the courtyard with people and then use the crosses in the church windows to decide in which ship the people would be sent to another land. I couldn't help but cry out in desperate heartbreak for the souls who'd stood there before me, Is THIS God? Can I even be a part of something that caused so much pain? Some were questions I'd always grappled with - What if I am really making up this God-thing to comfort myself and give me a way to deal with the slings and arrows of this life?" AND - Was Jesus even God? How is that POSSIBLE! Who was He?
And now I'll tell you the honest truth. I am a woman whose faith inspires everything I do; it truly is my joy and sustenance. I cannot be without my belief and the love that results from it. However, the “agreement” I made with God the night I allowed His presence to flood my life again, was that I didn't have to understand, I just had to believe. And so I still don't understand Jesus. I'm not too sure I ever will. But here is what I do know.
Jesus loved the woman at the well. Jesus overturned tables in the temple because injustice infuriated him. Jesus LIVED his love by touching the unclean, and being bold in his "otherness.” I LOVE that man, the one who's a part of my God. He was, and He was who He said He was. I don't need to understand all the details of that. I just need to understand that Jesus spent His life living out SERVICE, LOVE, ACCEPTANCE, and bringing the Almighty's COMPLETENESS to the world.
Jesus was the embodiment of God on Earth. I'm supposed to be like Jesus. So, I will strive to be a servant who loves others and accepts them where they are, and in so doing, bring a reflection of the Almighty's completeness to this world.